George W. Bush has gathered around him upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography.

In case you haven’t noticed, we are now almost as feared and hated all over the world as the Nazis were.

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.

Our president is a Christian? So was Adolf Hitler.

If you want to take my guns away from me, and you’re all for murdering fetuses, and love it when homosexuals marry each other, and want to give them kitchen appliances at their showers, and you’re for the poor, you’re a liberal. If you are against those perversions and for the rich, you’re a conservative. What could be simpler?

"You hate America, don't you?" she said.
"That would be as silly as loving it," I said. "It's impossible for me to get emotional about it, because real estate doesn't interest me. It's no doubt a great flaw in my personality, but I can't think in terms of boundaries. Those imaginary lines are as unreal to me as elves and pixies. I can't believe that they mark the end or the beginning of anything of real concern to the human soul. Virtues and vices, pleasures and pains cross boundaries at will."

The three differences between American and British people:
- We speak English and you don't.
- When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play, as well.
- When you meet the head of state in Great Britain, you only have to go down on one knee.

War is now a form of TV entertainment, and what made the First World War so particularly entertaining were two American inventions, barbed wire and the machine gun.

I consider myself a citizen of the world! On why he had never become a U.S. citizen.

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President. After difficulties in being re-admitted to the United States, based on suspicions of communist sympathies.

A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. […] At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time. Monologue, May 12, 2006

It's lovely that Harry Potter and the Bond movies are still shot in England - that's a great pleasure, but it's true that most of the well-paid work is in America.

When I was on "The View" (1997), Barbara Walters was asking me about the blood and stuff, and I said, 'Well, you know, that's a staple of Japanese cinema.' And then she came back,'But this is America.' And I go, 'I don't make movies for America. I make movies for planet Earth. On violence in Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Cleese: You see, you could never do a sketch like that these days. The audience is too uninformed. I blame the Americans. Nation of obese, violent, pig-ignorant, bible-thumping morons contaminating world culture. That’s why I spend most of my time here in France.... Beautiful, isn’t it? Just look at those olive trees. Interviewer: This is Santa Barbara.