How many watched the President's speech last night?
[half-hearted audience applause]
How many watched American Idol?
[thundering applause]
Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve. Monologue, February 1, 2006

I'm a philanthropist: I give people what they want. People love being horrified, terrified.

Give them pleasure — the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.

I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach. 11 June 1956

I always like to think of the audience when I am directing. Because I am the audience.

Never treat your audience as customers, always as partners.

They like to put their toe in the cold water of fear. On why people were fond of his thrillers

In the old days villains had moustaches and kicked the dog. Audiences are smarter today. They don’t want their villain to be thrown at them with green limelight on his face. They want an ordinary human being with failings.

If it's a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on.

I enjoy playing the audience like a piano.

Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.