No, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference. Monologue, 19 February 2007 (U.S. Presidents Day)

The Republicans are calling [this] a Wizard of Oz ticket... Cheney needs a heart, Bush needs a brain. On the Republican presidential candidates.

Afterwards, President Bush said, "Maliki is the right man for the job." Just to remind you, Bush also said FEMA's Michael Brown was the right man for the job, Donald Rumsfeld was the right man for the job, Tom DeLay was the right man for the job… which would be okay if Bush was the right man for the job. On the 30 November 2006 "breakfast summit" with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki

A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. […] At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time. Monologue, May 12, 2006