History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes time and annoys the pig.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination.

Whiskey is for drinking. Water is for fighting over.

I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.