"I don't want to die now. I've still got a headache. I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it"

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
[Ford Prefect:] "Why, what did she tell you?"
[Arthur:] "I don't know, I didn't listen."

Arthur: "Marvin, any ideas?"
Marvin: "I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death."

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

"Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?" said Mr. Prosser. "How much?" asked Arthur. "None at all," Mr. Prosser replied.

Ford: "It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
Arthur: "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
Ford: "You ask a glass of water."

Ford, there is an infinite number of monkeys outside, who wants to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they have worked out.

Arthur: "Ford, I think I'm a sofa."
Ford: "I know how you feel."

Old woman Oracle: "Can you help me pull out the photocopier?"
Arthur: "What?"
OWO: "The photocopier. It's solar-powered, but I have to keep it in the cave so the birds don't shit on it."

"It goes like this. Let's see now: 'Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.' That's it. It's what you pray silently inside yourself anyway, so you may as well have it out in the open."
Arthur: "Hmmm, Well, thank you - "
Old Man: "There's another prayer that goes with it that's very important, so you'd better jot this down, too."
Arthur: "OK."
Old Man: "It goes, 'Lord, lord, lord...' It's best to put that bit in, just in case. You can never be too sure. 'Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen...' And that's it. Most of the trouble people get into in life comes from missing out that last part.'" - Old Man Oracle's prayer given to Arthur Dent

"This must be Thursday," said Arthur musing to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle. As soon as I reach some kind of definite policy about what is my kind of music and my kind of restaurant and my kind of overdraft, people start blowing up my kind of planet and throwing me out of their kind of spaceships!"

"How do you feel?" he [Ford Prefect] asked.
"Like a military academy," said Arthur, "bits of me keep on passing out."

"This Arthur Dent," comes the cry from the farthest reaches of the galaxy, and has even now been found inscribed on a deep space probe thought to originate from an alien galaxy at a distance too hideous to contemplate, "what is he, man or mouse? Is he interested in nothing more than tea and the wider issues of life? Has he no spirit? Has he no passion? Does he not, to put it in a nutshell, fuck?"
Those who wish to know should read on. Others may wish to skip on to the last chapter which is a good bit and has Marvin in it.