"This must be Thursday," said Arthur musing to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"How do you feel?" he [Ford Prefect] asked.
"Like a military academy," said Arthur, "bits of me keep on passing out."

Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
[Ford Prefect:] "Why, what did she tell you?"
[Arthur:] "I don't know, I didn't listen."

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

Arthur: "Ford, I think I'm a sofa."
Ford: "I know how you feel."

"I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle. As soon as I reach some kind of definite policy about what is my kind of music and my kind of restaurant and my kind of overdraft, people start blowing up my kind of planet and throwing me out of their kind of spaceships!"

"Who said anything about panicking?" snapped Arthur. "This is still just the culture shock. You wait till I've settled down into the situation and found my bearings. Then I'll start panicking!"

"Why do you need to think? Can't we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?"

"I don't want to die now. I've still got a headache. I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it"

Ford, there is an infinite number of monkeys outside, who wants to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they have worked out.

Ford: "It's unpleasantly like being drunk."
Arthur: "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
Ford: "You ask a glass of water."

Arthur: "Marvin, any ideas?"
Marvin: "I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death."

"Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?" said Mr. Prosser. "How much?" asked Arthur. "None at all," Mr. Prosser replied.

He [Arthur] had an odd feeling of being like a man in the act of adultery who is surprised when the woman's husband wanders into the room, changes his trousers, passes a few idle remarks about the weather and leaves again.

The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. Arthur, before nearly destroying the Universe.

"It goes like this. Let's see now: 'Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.' That's it. It's what you pray silently inside yourself anyway, so you may as well have it out in the open."
Arthur: "Hmmm, Well, thank you - "
Old Man: "There's another prayer that goes with it that's very important, so you'd better jot this down, too."
Arthur: "OK."
Old Man: "It goes, 'Lord, lord, lord...' It's best to put that bit in, just in case. You can never be too sure. 'Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen...' And that's it. Most of the trouble people get into in life comes from missing out that last part.'" - Old Man Oracle's prayer given to Arthur Dent

Someone or something seemed to be expecting him, for at that moment there lit up suddenly in the dark distance an eerie green neon sign. It said, silently: YOU HAVE BEEN DIVERTED..., ARTHUR DENT. WELCOME, I DON'T THINK. DO NOT BE ALARMED. BE VERY, VERY FRIGHTENED, ARTHUR DENT.

Old woman Oracle: "Can you help me pull out the photocopier?"
Arthur: "What?"
OWO: "The photocopier. It's solar-powered, but I have to keep it in the cave so the birds don't shit on it."