If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC

If what Jesus said was good, what can it matter if he was God or not?

Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

"There are plenty of good reasons for fighting," I said, "but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too. Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side."

"I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done."
"Nice going, God!"
"Nobody but You could have done it, God! I certainly couldn't have."
"I feel very unimportant compared to You."
"The only way I can feel the least bit important is to think of all the mud that didn't even get to sit up and look around."

If there is a god, he sure hates people. That’s all I can say.

As part of the gun crew, he had helped to fire one shot in anger-from a 57-millimeter antitank gun. The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of the zipper on the fly of God Almighty.

To be
the eyes
and ears
and conscience
of the Creator of the Universe,
you fool. Kilgore Trout's unwritten reply to the question "What is the purpose of life?"

If God were alive today, he would have to be an atheist, because the excrement has hit the air-conditioning big time, big time.

Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn - so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pitecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth - to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square - making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines. Spoken by Dr. Norbert Woodley.

Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself.