Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

If facts weren't funny, or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them.

How embarrassing to be human.

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much. We are impossibly conceited animals, and actually dumb as heck. Ask any teacher. You don't even have to ask a teacher. Ask anybody. Dogs and cats are smarter than we are.